Closing Thoughts on the Denver Road Trip…

On the eve of my 12 hour fucking long return drive, I spent half the night lying awake in bed on the couch in between vomit trips to the bathroom. I’m pretty sure it had nothing to do with the pot brownies (they’ve never made me nauseous before - plus this was over 48 hrs post brownie consumption) and everything to do with the flu bug my friend’s wife enjoyed Saturday and my friend had on Sunday. She was all cool about staying out of the community bowls for our benefit, but it never occurred to me that maybe I should refrain from using the same drug paraphernalia as the guy sharing the bed with the sick broad (SMRT!).

Well do you think this means you maybe oughta think about getting some new shit, what do ya think?

Well do you think this means you maybe oughta think about getting some new shit, what do ya think?

I had originally planned on departing by 6am local time, but that went out the window when by sunrise I still couldn’t stand up without feeling sick. As I slowly packed my things, I realized my primary bowl was missing. I grabbed my friend’s keys and scurried out to check his wife’s car before she left for work. As soon as I hit the pavement my bowels informed me that I would need to find a toilet in short order, but I had to check that car first. No dice. Then it happened - every human being’s worst nightmare - I sharted myself. They really need to start making underpants with ctrl-z functionality.

Fast forward to 7am Denver time: I’m wearing clean clothes, I’ve found and packed all my belongings and I’m on the road. So what if I’m attempting a 850 mile drive on less than 4 hours of sleep…after what I’ve been through, the driving seems relaxing. Then I hit Denver rush hour - nothing too painful, but it’s always frustrating to be stuck in traffic during a multi-state commute. I settled into a nice groove once I got out of Greater Denver, eclipsing 500 miles during my first 7 hours of driving.

Then came the rain and pretty soon I had to get off the road and take a break. I could sense my ability to focus on the road slipping, plus I was listening to The Who (roughly 8 years ago I totaled my first car on a road trip…in the rain…while listening to The Who) - so I found a Wallgreens parking lot and waited for the storm to blow through. After 20 minutes the rain stopped, but since the storm was moving in my direction, I found myself driving back into the rain - so I stopped again. This went on for 2 hours or so until I hit standstill traffic in downtown KC around 6pm. Never one to sit in traffic, I exited the highway and attempted to bypass the traffic with comically bad results…

Not only did I take a ridiculously inefficient route that required me to drive through dangerously high water, but as soon as I got back on the interstate I was back in slow moving traffic. Never have I seen so many accidents from a mere afternoon thunderstorm. I made many bad decisions on this day, but my decision to lay low during the rain may have saved my life (or at least my car). I ended up getting home at 9:45pm St Louis time - nearly 14 hours after leaving Denver.

For all my talk of loving the open road, I won’t be replaying this game anytime soon (the drive that is - Denver itself was awesome). Some days I just need to push the envelope and see what I can do (ideally without killing myself). Every day can be a unique learning experience in that regard. On this day I learned to always have a change of underwear handy, to never abandon the highway in a foreign city over a knee-jerk traffic impulse, and that while I’m capable of driving solo from Denver to St Louis in a single day, it’s not a course of action one should willfully pursue.

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